so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
