dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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