You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
