I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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