He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
