I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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