I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
