if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The uberlube is also flammable
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
