Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
