I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
