The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
