so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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