You smell like a Billy Joel song
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
