got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
