Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
