roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
