The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
