Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
This show inspires me to have sex in space
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
