Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I use my feet as sexual weapons
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
