You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
