his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
