im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
