I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
