i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
