when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
