And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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