This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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