Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
