so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
