On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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