bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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