He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
