And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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