Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
