when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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