I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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