just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
