I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
