i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
