It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
