you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You can't just leave with hair like that
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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