it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
