why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
