my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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