i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
