remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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