woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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