sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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