He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
so much tequila, so little girl.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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