I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's rum buckets o'clock
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