Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
